Dear Thoughtseize,

</3

Oh, Thoughtseize, you tiny harbinger of misery, wrapped in a single black mana. Every time you show up, you remind me that my carefully crafted plans are nothing but fragile dreams, waiting to be ripped apart by your spiteful little fingers. It’s honestly impressive how a one-mana spell can dismantle my hand faster than my morning coffee disappears on a Monday.

I hate your guts. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’ve played you plenty myself, usually with great shame, a fierce winning mentality, and often success. Since your debut in Lorwyn, you’ve been a mainstay in Faeries, Lorwyn Block Constructed, and basically every black deck ever since. You’re just too powerful. It’s not just that you see all the tricks; your drawback is essentially non-existent, sometimes even beneficial in Death’s Shadow or Reanimate decks. You get to decide which hole in an opponent’s hand becomes an immense chasm. From turn one onward, you let me plan around this stupid midrange trade-for-trade madness. Synergy is something that’s for lesser cards then yourself.

You sneak into my turn like an overbearing therapist who refuses to respect boundaries, poking around, exposing my secrets, and leaving me vulnerable and exposed. Honestly, if I wanted someone to judge my hand that harshly, I’d ask Hanjo.

Trading a measly Thoughtseize for the best card or the perfect timing is such a crushing way to end a fun game of Magic before it even starts. Deep down, everyone secretly wants the “Thoughtseize bug” , to just redraw the same card that keeps getting discarded over and over. Thanks to you, I’ve learned the true meaning of paranoia. Nothing feels safe anymore, and hatred feels inevitable.

May your existence continue to make Magic players question their life choices and reconsider the very concept of “joyful interaction.”

Yours in eternal frustration,

Danny