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You suck. Your name speaks for itself. It’s quite clear that your name will never be associated with a joyful interaction, yet you somehow manage to outperform even that low bar. Casting you will always result in misery, often on both sides of the table. Your Pit is bottomless, the style is endless, and the pit is hopeless. Hopeless is the word: you capitalize on chaos, making games feel exactly like the seashells on the beach when walking back from the ocean: grindy, annoying, and painful.
In what way have you ever created a smile? Is this a joke to you? Topdeck wars galore? You really like to shrink the game so much that both players have to hope to draw lands, then spells, because drawn in the wrong order, neither will work. Are you a casino employee in disguise? You’re like the Bermuda Triangle of Magic: cards go in, never to be seen again, and everyone just stares awkwardly, wondering where the fun disappeared to.
Let’s not forget the poor soul who casts you, hoping to disrupt their opponent, only to realize they’ve just signed up for the same soul-crushing fate. Mr. Pit, you are the destroyer of planning, the devil of momentum, the herald of hopelessness. Please throw yourself into your own pit. Thanks.
Yours in bottomless frustration,
Danny
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